Please don't make me a project.

Heyo friends! It's been a while! I have missed this little blog but I have been oh so lazy busy lately. But let me start this post with a reminder of the MOST exciting thing that will happen all summer...

WE ALL GET TO SEE EACH OTHER IN JUST 13 DAYS!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO! I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. So very excited!!!

ok, sorry I got a little excited there for a sec. I'm back to controlling my emotions again.

So just a quick update on my life... basically I have been spending my summer doing projects for school and at the same time, becoming everyone else's project. So ever since things went south with that other guy, my family has been foaming at the mouth with ideas of who to set me up with. Let's just go down the list:

First, Ashley made a blog post about me on her blog and posted it to some other blog. Yes, she asked before she did it, but I don't think I realized what it was exactly before I agreed. It may as well have been an add for a date with me. EMBARRASSING! Anyway, her and these other girls that had put their brothers on there emailed back and forth about me and the previously mentioned brothers talking and emailing. I've heard nothing from any of it and that is perfectly fine. It was great for a confidence boost from the comments people left but I am not to that online dating stage. Works for some...but it's not for me.

Next, you have Gene. Yes, even the big guy is playing cupid. The man that owns the auction my dad goes to on Friday has a son our age and he and my dad are doing some major scheming! The guy found me on facebook and we messaged for about two weeks but then we ran out of small talk. So it just kinda fizzled out awkwardly. He lives up by Morgantown anyway. Which is way far from Louisville. But again, it was nice to talk to him a little.

Then comes Ryan, Brooke, and Erika... who all teamed up. They are all on this big Andrew kick. Yes, my friend...since 7th grade, Andrew. I really wish they would move on from it but they won't. Well, it's really just Ryan now. Brooke and Erika calmed down. My mom and Ashley were on the bandwagon too but backed off since the original discussion. I mean don't get me wrong, Andrew is a babe but I just don't look at him like that. I keep saying that and Ryan's argument is "Have you kissed him?" and my response is obviously no and his is "well then you don't know..just kiss him and see what happens" ha I don't think I'll be taking this advice. He says that boys are not friends with girls because they want to be just friends and then he always references the movie When Harry Met Sally. I've seen it... and sorry but I don't think that's the same...

Now Deb... except she didn't really do anything but one of her BFF's did. Can you still have BFF's in your 50s? Idk- but anyway... her friend met this guy at a wedding, gave him my number, he lives in Virginia, she told him I was moving to VA because I mentioned once that I was looking at an externship there, he called me, said he heard I was moving to VA and when I said I actually wasn't...things got awkward. It was the longest 12 minute conversation I have ever had. Awkward silences were taking over. I wanted to die. I felt like we talked for 12 hours instead of 12 minutes. I finally ended it by saying I had to work on some stuff for school (lie) and he said okay and to call him if I moved down there. Okay dude, it'll be about a year but I'll keep ya in mind. Even though the place I am lookin at is still 2 hours from where he lives haha! ohhh life.

My cousin Kathy is hell bent on throwing my name out to this guy that works at a jewelry store that she goes to. So awkward. He is like BFF with that guy that goes by his initials' cousin. And if he acts anything like him (womanizing and drunk 87% of the time), I am going to go ahead and take a running head start in the other direction.

And now back to Ashley, ok I know she means well but come on. She knows I want a good, Jesus loving guy with ambition. So she tells me to look at Blake's boss' son because Blake showed him my picture and he wants to take me out next time I'm home. This is the first picture I see....

(Blacked out the eyes because you never know who will find this here blog! haha) Anyway, is she serious? The rest of his profile pictures look like this... and that they would fit perfectly into one of Glenn and Jessica's albums. Literally a beer can and glazed over eyes in almost every picture. I also know some of the guys that he is in the pictures with. Real quality guys.... and by quality I mean they can probably win you a beer pong game, find any bar in Charleston with a blindfold on, and introduce you to at least 20 girls they've slept with. In his activities it says Anheuser Busch. Seriously Ashley? Do you know me at all?

I am not trying to judge any of these guys by their covers but sometimes it's hard. The whole guilty by association thing is definitely playing a role. Also while I'm typing this my friend Erin sent me a text and said she just met the man of my dreams. Seriously, I know every one means well but I don't want to be a project. I feel like it's everyones mission to find me someone. Again, I say... 24 does not make an old maid!!! My eggs aren't dried up and I haven't bought 10 cats yet. Sure, dating around would be great but 1. if they live 4 hours away that makes it hard and 2. lets at least try to find people that are like me. I may start wearing a shirt around that says I am not a Science Project. Everyone is trying to force it but me...and that my friends, is annoying.

ok enough of that...

So, I am about to have a wildddd couple weeks. My life is about to get reall busy, which is ironic since I am currently writing on a blog at 12:36 on a Saturday night. Don't be jealous. Anyway here is a brief synopsis (I'm not sure if I used that word correctly):

Thursday I leave for a cruise! WOOHOO! Long story short, my cousin won 4 spots on a cruise for her work. One of the woman that was supposed to go with my 2 cousins and my mom can't go anymore and they asked me to fill in! I don't have class Friday or Monday so just had to get out of clinic on Thursday. Made a few changes to my schedule and wa-la! I'm cruise bound! SO EXCITED! It will be a nice break from reality!

I'll get back on Monday and my friend Kristi (she used to be in my program) will be here Tuesday through Friday. My other friend Erin (also was in the program--- I swear it's not that bad I just chose to hang out with the people who never really wanted to be Audiologists) started working in the same chain of nursing homes that Kristi works...actually doing the same job. Kristi gets to come to town to train Erin and that means I get to play! !

Then once she leaves YOU ALL START ARRIVING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ok, shew, calm down. We are going to have a blast! To quote Britney, from Drink Off circa 2008 "You're going to have fun, and you're going to have fun, and you're going to have fun!" ha! But seriously, Amanda and I have been working hard and I think y'all will like the fun things we have planned. If you want to know what they are...just ask. Unless your name is Jane Ann...then you will just have to wait and see!! ;) I really just can't describe the amount of happiness this is going to bring to my life.

After everyone leaves i'll head home for a few days, the I have 2 weekends full of weddings in Cincy. I need a date to one of them so if anyone knows of any hot, single bachelors that would like to join me at a wedding where neither of us really know anyone... send them my way (I'm aware this totally contradicts the beginning of my post :])

ok, time for bed! (sorry that was sooo long) Night friends. Miss you. I'll be seeing you SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WILW

Poor, sweet,neglected blog. Since I have had a fab week I decided to share the latest and fill you in on....

I am LOVING that Brent and I finally found a house we LOVE. No living with the parent as newly weds for these guys. I took tons of picture of it the other day and was gonna take you on a virtual tour but of course my camera won't upload to the comupter for some reason. So you have something to look forward to =) I do have this picture off the internet. Love.

I am LOVING that my online class is O.V.E.R. tomorrow. Ahh I can't wait to have a real summer break. Except you four are probably the worst to complain to about this since you all do not have the next month off. Sorry.

I am LOVING that Brent and I are getting our engagement pictures done this month which gave me the excuse to buy these.

Thats right. Pure sex. My first pair of majorly high heels. I probably would not have gotten them except the really cute, maybe gay, salesman made the point that every girl needs at least one pair of 4 inch heels. So true.

I am loving I get to marry this cute kid in 101 days.

Annnnnd last and most important... I am LOVING that we will all be together in 30 days =)

It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken

Well friends, I write to you now with tear stained cheeks and a really broken heart, so needless to say, I'm not really in the mood to talk about what I am loving this Wednesday. Tonight, after lots of debate, tears, lists, and prayer I decided to end things with TJ. This has been something on my mind for a while now. I think I was in denial (see previous post) about how things were going because it meant I had someone, especially that particular someone. But having someone doesn't mean anything if you aren't growing in the relationship and it's really not going anywhere. We were stuck. I felt like I was giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I was making trips home but no trips were being made to Louisville. I was telling him I missed him and excited to see him and I never got the same in return...unless I brought it up. But most of all, I think the entire time my heart was breaking because I knew that this relationship was not the relationship I had been promised or "sold" in the letter I got back in December. That is a lot harder to admit than you would think.

The straw that broke the camels back, as they say, occurred this afternoon. We previous talked about TJ maybe coming down for one night this weekend (only one because his nephew's first bday party is Saturday so he was going to come either before or after) Anyway, we hadn't talked about it much but I needed to make sure today if he was coming due to something totally unrelated that can be left for another blog post. So I called him and asked and after stumbling around 3 different excuses as to why 'it's not a good weekend' I pointed out that back in the beginning he said he'd make the effort to come to Louisville because he knew I was busy and he had nothing on the weekends. (he's been here once) So before I can even get all of that out he cuts me off and snaps at me "You have no idea how stressed I am right now We are NOT talking about this right now" (Did I mention those MCAT scores came back today? They weren't pretty) So after a long pause because I was speechless, I came back with all these other weekends that were convenient for everyone else (New york last weekend, elon bball games, a weeklong cruise) but how it was so funny no weekends were convenient for me! Ever! So then he tells me he has to go run and I just hang up. If you can't make me feel more important than a run, then I don't need to be having this conversation.

So then come the tears. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was hurt but in the back of my mind I KNEW he wasn't going to come before I even called. That's not okay. It's not okay that I didn't feel like he wanted to make that effort to see me. I know this may sound silly to some of you...it's just one weekend. But it's more than that. It's all the "just one weekend"s combined and it's the fact that in reality I didn't feel like I was someone TJ could ever truly be proud of. At times I felt like he was embarrassed by me. I don't know why. It's not like he tried to hide me or anything but it's the simple fact that I was never felt special to him. At least not for the past few months. So I lied. I told everyone we were doing great and he was great and inside I was that same girl I was junior year that let someone walk all over her while she was miserable inside. You also may think I'm heartless for doing this the day of the MCAT scores, but I have been miserable the past few days and it couldn't wait any longer.

So I cried for like a solid 4 hours with Whitney and our friend Tiffany. I told them all these same things and they put in their opinions but keeping it clear that it was something I had to decide, no matter what they thought. I had no idea what I was going to do. TJ has been in my life for 7 years now...with a little hiatus in the middle and he really had become one of my very best friends again. He was always there to listen and I will really miss talking to him right before bed! (ugh...I'm actually dreading heading to lay down in a few minutes) But I had that butterfly/sick feeling all day...even before the little fight. It wasn't until after Tiffany asked me a question that it finally clicked. After spilling my guts she said "Lindsay, you know what you need to do, don't you?" and when I said "yes" it was like my fears and that horrible butterfly feeling instantly went away. I admitted it out loud that I knew I needed to get out and I felt better. If that's not God sending a message I'm not sure what is.

So he called later and we talked for about 45 minutes. And I just told him everything. I never felt special, I didn't feel like he really cared, I didn't see any willingness to put in effort and I just really felt like it was one sided. I wasn't trying to play the blame game but I was just being honest. He told me he understood and he agreed that he hadn't been the person he thought he could be when writing that letter. He kept apologizing but never begged. He said when he looked at other couples like Whitney and Clint he never felt like we were like that or didn't know if we could be. But I told him that Love isn't something that just happens when you don't put in any effort. (that sounds rude but I'm sure I worded it better) I also told him until you make someone feel special and like they are a priority then it won't ever work with anyone. He agreed and said he realized he still has a lot of growing up to do before trying to get into a relationship again. It was very civil and polite and we didn't fight or anything- no hard feelings. He apologized about 100x about treating me that way, putting me through this (again), and making me feel anything but important. But one thing he didn't do was fight for me... and that was tough. Not that I expected it, but I wanted him to beg and ask me to give him another chance and tell me that he could change. But he didn't. I realize that that was enough to let me know it was time to move on. Love won't ever be something the two of us will have together... at least at the same time.

The hardest part of the whole conversation was getting off the phone because I knew it would be for the very last time. I miss him already as I sit and type this at the time I usually would be talking to him. I stayed strong and saved most of the tears for afterward. Why did he have to be so nice to me? And why couldn't he have just asked me to give him another chance? Ugh. These are questions that are swirling through my head but I had a really happy life without him before, and I will again. I'm just going to be sad for awhile.

So that is my story friends. I am sorry I couldn't call each of you because I would love nothing more than to hear your voices and let me know everything is going to be okay. But right now I am just talked out. Anyway, I'm done for now. There is more I can share but it'd just drag this out even longer. So right now all I'm asking for is prayer! I know God has something big planned for me, and in time I'll figure that out but sending a few up for me wouldn't hurt either. And what I don't want from this post is for you to feel sorry for me. I think that's what I'm afraid of is the "ohh, poor Lindsay. It happened again" looks. Because this time, it was my decision and had I never tried, I already would have wondered what could have happened. Anyway, talk to you all soon hopefully!! Girls weekend weekend of the 10th? Let me know!

Love you all very, very much!

Update on Life in the Lou

Hello sweet girls! I figured I would take the free time on this Friday evening since I have no life. I'm just so busy and popular I have so many options on things to do tonight that I just decided I had to stay home because I couldn't decide. ;) So here goes that past month of my life in a little blogpost.

So the semester ended after what was a very tiring and miserable couple of months. I headed home on Tuesday after my last day of clinic and then left for the great ol' HHI on Thursday with TJ to meet Whitney and Clint. It was a good time! Friday was rainy until about 4:00 so we kind of drove around and went to a few stores and then headed for a walk on the beach. We cooked in for dinner both nights we were there to get in more cuddle time save money and it made it so relaxing! And the dinners were delish! Sidenote: TJ is quite the little cook. He whipped us up a wonderful breakfast on Friday morning and then manned the grill both nights. He stole my heart a little. Nothing like a man in the kitchen. Not sure why, but I was surprised he was so good.Anyway, Saturday we were able to go out to the beach. It was one of those tricky days when you think it is so nice and breezy then you get home and realize your skin has been baking all day. Don't even worry about it. I got fried! (I'm STILL peeling. ew) But nothing could compare to Clint. His legs and feet were so burnt he could barely keep shoes on. It seemed miserable.

And since I know you are chomping at the bit to know...it was a really good weekend with TJ. One of the best parts I think was the drive down. We had so much fun and literally laughed the entire time! It was good to get to spend time together just the two of us. We had a great time with Whit and Clint too. It was good times all around and I think we really needed it. Because I've been going home so often lately, we've been kept to hang out at each of our parents' houses. Don't get me wrong...love my parents but sometimes when you just want to hang out together and they don't get the point...it gets old. So in short, the beach weekend was great. We had so much fun and I wish it could have lasted longer.

The Monday I came back from home and my summer (using that term as loosely as possible) break was miserable. I was feeling very sorry for myself, pitiful, like a loser sad. I have been so sad these past couple times coming back and couldn't put my finger on why. I mean before I left, the whole morning my stomach had that nervous, butterfly like feeling. When I was heading back drowning my sorrows in my Diet Mt. Dew, I realized that I have no real connections in Louisville. It is so different than UK! With the exception of Whitney, Amanda, and Erin I have no reason to be here besides to get an education. And I really don't even see Amanda and Erin because of our busy schedules. But the friendships like we had at UK are not here. I feel like I have no real connections here. The people in my classes are great (at least most of them), but the friendships I've formed here are pretty superficial. Aka we are only friends because none of us know anyone else. So I guess that got me thinking how much I miss you all being only a few blocks away at all times.

I also have really been missing my family lately. So many things happening. There obviously is something in the water at home because someone in my family has a baby just about every 9 months and it makes me so sad to not be home with those sweet, sweet babies!

Speaking of babies, Walker Paul Shamblin is finally here. And what. a. cutie. Mark my words, he is going to be a total heartbreaker. I got to go home last weekend and see him. It was killing me to not being able to leave right away! But once I got there I was able to spend lots of time with him. He's just so cuddley and sweet! And his hair. Oh my gosh! He has so much that it looks like it's actually been cut and styled like it is on purpose. I just love him so much. And he is all boy too! Sometimes you look at a baby and are like hmm boy or girl? But with little Walker, he's a total boy! The only bad thing about him is that he has the name of what would have been my first little boy. Darn him.

The semester is starting whether I like it or not. But thank goodness it won't be as bad as last semester or what next semester is supposedly supposed to be like. Actually a professor said today, "Honestly, it would take something like you keying my car to not get an A in this class." hahaha! Praise the Lord! I need an easy semester. But the scary/good/exciting/terrifying news is that this time next year I will be packing my bags and heading to God-knows-where to start my externship! Where will life take me? Stay tuned folks.

Ok so now I am probably going to bed at 11:00 on a Friday to go find some thing that 24 year olds do on Friday nights that is real wild and crazy and 24-like. Peace homes.

Royally Obsessed.

Ok, as much as I tried to fight it. I am now obsessed with the Royal Wedding.

Thursday I was all like: who cares, talk about something else, this isn't London. Hurry up and get married so people will talk about something else.

Friday after turning on my TV and seeing the end of the wedding I was all like: OMG! How can I meet Prince Harry and make this my life?? haha...but seriously, I have got to find a way to meet him. What. A. Babe. I don't even care that he's a total ginger and our kids would probably get sunburnt just thinking about the sun.

Anyway, back to the wedding. Can we just talk about how beautiful Kate Middleton is? I mean she is perfect for the Princess job. So elegant and classy. But even more importantly WHY DON'T WE WEAR AWESOME HATS IN AMERICA?? Oh my goodness. The hats. I was obsessed with the hats..well, most of them.

If I start showing up at weddings wearing crazy, but fabulous hats...don't be shocked. I think one of the reasons I love it so much is because of the tradition behind it. There is a wedding? Well, gotta go buy a hat. I love that. And it wasn't just the hats... the whole day was about tradition. And yes, I'm aware that every person that gets married over there doesn't go all out but it's the fact of the matter that they seemed like a big group of classy people. And even when they showed the crowds that had gathered outside...no one looked homeless or dirty or like they wanted to punch someone or like the country as a whole is going to be humiliated because that one person made it onto the tv! They had so much pride in their country and it was just really neat. Especially when all you hear lately on our tvs are "Republicans did this" "Well, democrats did this."...to which I say...is annoying. I love America, really. But come on people, let's take a lead from the Brits and class this place up a little.

Another reason I loved this whole love story thing is because Kate Middleton is living out a Disney movie. I love a good love story and this is definitely one! Seriously, she was just a normal "commoner" and then the Prince comes and sweeps her off her feet...making her a real life princess! How awesome! I bet after the first time he asked her out she called her mom and was like "Mom, you are never going to believe who just asked me out!!" and her mom was probably like "ha. ha. real funny, like that would ever happen." But it did and her life is completely and totally different now.

Ok, I'm done with the Royal Wedding talk. Just wanted to share my love. If you didn't watch it or see anything about it, well I'm sorry to know you've been living under a rock. But go to people.com and you'll basically get all the juicy details. If you did watch it, I hope you loved it as much as me! Now I leave you with, what I believe, is the most hilarious picture they probably had yesterday.

Things I love Thursday

I'm a day late but who cares! My post is about to sound a lot like Amanda's! haha But that's ok...

I am loving my sweet neices too! And that I got to spend so much time with them over the weekend! Saturday was Landri's 2nd Birthday! Can't believe she's so already two!!! The girls had a blast playing the games Brooke had planned and then of course they were all looking A.DOR.A.BLE. on Easter Sunday at church! Here are some pictures from Easter. I love these sweet faces! Every time I see this picture of Emeri I am immediately in a good mood! This picture captures her to a T! And then there is Ella looking like a total big girl and then sweet sweet Evie who is smiling like this just about 24/7! Then there is me and LowLow who was obviously very excited to hear a train coming! haha I love this picture too! (ok, I'm done being an annoying aunt! )

I am loving that the acceptance letter finally came!! TJ will officially be starting PA school in the fall at Mountain State University. It's about an hour from home, a really good but really small school (pretty much the rival school of where Tori went) I'm so excited for him and so glad that weight is lifted. I think it was really wearing on him. He also takes the MCAT tomorrow so please be saying prayers for him! :)

I am loving that a week from today I will be hearing toward HHI and getting to see BRoberts (I'm aware that's not your last name anymore but Bmarlow doesn't sound good!) Woohoo. Can't wait! This song pretty much captures my feelings about the whole situation...

I am loving that I will be 5 semesters down with 3 more until I'm done with class and 3 more of externship after that. Writing it out makes it seem so much less exciting but I will not let it rain on my parade! The hard work is paying off! :)

I am loving the new show The Voice. For those of you that haven't watched it...you should. Summary: Cee Lo, Adam Levina (Maroon 5 guy), Blake Shelton, and Christina Aguilera are coaches and they pick their team by listening to them sing...only listening...they have their backs turned so they can't see what the people look like since that could probably persuade votes. Anyway, they listen to them sing. Then whoever hits their button and turns around means they want them to be on their team. (if no one turns around you get kicked off) If more than one coach turns around then the contestant gets to pick the team they want to be on. Anyway, it's amazing! The coaches are hilarious fighting over the people. And Blake Shelton has some great one liners! And it shows their personal story at the beginning and their family backstage watching and of course it makes me cry because they are all so proud. Check it out next Tuesday night! :) Here's a preview of one of the best guys! I love this song and let's talk about how hot Adam Levine is.

ok, time to go be lazy or something!! LOVE YOU! :)

GUESS WHAT!guess what, guess what, guess what!

I am finished with KTIP! Hallelujah!!! If you talk to me I promise I will be in a much better mood than the last time we talked (wait about a week thought because I am PMSing.) I have been celebratory dancing to this song all afternoon. Whatever you are doing right now, stop doing it and just dance to his song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJdyfuiVw6k

P.S. I am gettin married in 165 day!!!