White House Security has nothing on The Overlook.

I think it is safe to say that last Monday, November 2, 2009 was one of the worst days of my life. After a long, long day of studying and horrible meetings where people acted like children (one, I might add, was in Indiana!), all I wanted to do was be on my couch in a horizontal position watching One Tree Hill and hanging out with Manny. Well, around 7:20 I get back to my apartment and think that is what is about to happen. That was until I go to unlock my door. Low and behold my apartment key and my mailbox key are nowhere to be found. That's right, the keychain The Overlook gave them to me on had somehow broken or opened or someone performed a magic trick on them...Anyway...the keys were gone. I mean I had 75 other keys to my parents house, my brothers house, my car...I even had a key to my OLD house in WV on there...where I haven't lived for over 2 years, yet, no key that I needed at this immediate time. Well I, of course, freak out. I had been only a few places since the last time I had been home around 3 but both those places were in Indiana!! So, I call The Panera I met some girls from class at first...no keys. I call the girl whose house that the meeting was at....no keys in the house. She went to look in the street and drive way and stuff...nope, no keys there either. So I am officially screwed because the apartment offices close at 6. I am an hour late and 2 keys short. So I immediately start to cry like a baby in timeout (full on sob basically) and call Whitney to tell her I'm coming over because I'm locked out. (Keep in mind she's had the same horrible day as me, yet, at this point hers was probably worse because it was her bday!) So I get over there and we are trying to think who we could call and how we are going to basically break in my own apartment. But first we decide to go look around the parking lot by my apartment and so we drive back over and when we get here we realize finding my keys will be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There are leaves EVERYWHERE! I mean thank you Mother Nature and Overlook grounds maintenance for so kindly making this day better. We pretty much give up before we even start. So we call 3483948 other people and get nothing. I finally remember that there is an emergency maintenance guy that if you call the office they will direct you to. So I call, well after the longest answering machine directions I've ever heard I get to where you leave a message for the man and I hear, "Emergencies include water leak, busted pipe, frozen pipes, air conditioner out when it is over 80 degrees, heater out when it is under 45 degrees, broken windows or door locks, and clogged toilets. If you are locked out of your apartment, call a locksmith..."

Is this some kind of sick joke? I got denied by an answering machine!! It actually says call a locksmith! I have one thing to say to that, RUDE! So I am like fine I'll call Pop-A-Lock who basically just break in to your house for you. That idea was short lived when the woman told me it would cost me $75-100 based on what kind of lock it was. I said uh, I'll call ya back and hung up.No Ma'am I will not give you that much money to simply unlock my door. So I knew it was time, I decide to call my dad. I hadn't before because I 1. didn't want him to worry and 2. didn't want to hear that this was irresponsible (which it totally wasn't because how was I supposed to help that the keychain broke) Anyway, he wasn't mad at me at all but to say that Gene was a little disgruntled that I could poop and get the man there but not get him there when I'm sitting out in the parking lot, a young girl, by herself, with a dog inside the apartment that needs out, when it is dark...would be an understatement. He's like "CALL THE GUY AND TELL HIM THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!! THOSE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!!"

So I call and leave a message. It is now almost exactly 8:10. I say what has happened and that I can't wait until morning because of Manny and that the locksmith said it would be around midnight before he could get there (that was a total lie, but I needed to have a good reason why I couldn't wait on them other than it was a lot of money).....Well 20 minutes later, no call back. So I call and leave ANOTHER message, this time a little testy and urgent and tell them I understand it's not on the list of emergencies but it actually IS an emergency and even if they aren't coming could someone call me back!...another 20 minutes goes by before I hear anything. For you math impaired that is 40 minutes since my original call to the EMERGENCY number. If I had what they would consider a real emergency like water leaking or spraying out from the pipe for 40 minutes...I would have been even more furious than I already was. So this guy, Steve, calls me and this is how our conversation goes. (SIDENOTE: For those of you who do not know this about me, when people treat me like an idiot I get pissed. Especially when it's phone operators and the people don't get the point I'm trying to make. Amanda has seen this in action and can attest that I become a crazy lunatic...so just imagine that attitude paired with an already emotional basket case!) I tell him about my problem and he tells me he's not allowed to come help. Well I don't like this and I begin to get angry but try to stay calm too because I'm trying to convince this guy to come help me and being a total biotch isn't going to get my door unlocked. Anyway, I basically end up arguing with this man for about 30 minutes. He acted like I was Osama Bin Laden of Louisville and was about to blow this Mother up. Here are a few things he said to me and a few things I said back. (and Whitney can vouch for me that these things were really said...no exaggeration, no nothing to make it better, just Steve being a jackass and me being a perfect citizen (haha!)) (oh, and also imagine that during some of these things being said I am actually crying...there is more to it but I think I got all the key, really good parts)

• Well, just how did you lose your keys? (like I was the only person in the history of mankind to do such a careless thing)
• Well, the high quality key chain that the Overlook so graciously gave me, BROKE and now they are gone!
• And just where did you lose them?
• Well Sir, do you think if I knew where the keys were we would be having this conversation?! I have no idea where the keys are. I've called everywhere they could be and they aren't there. I don't know!!
• Ma'am, this is not a real emergency. I have a hard time believing it would take a lock smith 4 hours to get to your house.
• Well, that's what they said (LIE!) and my dog has been going crazy for over an hour and a half now because he can hear us out here and that's going to get the cops here because of a noise complaint and I'm not even there so it's really not my fault!
• I can't just let you in to this apartment. I have no proof that you actually live here! I would need some proof of that? then I asked him how I could do that if I couldn't get into the apartment to which he replied I need you to go to the office and get me some kind of folder with your name on it!
• Well, I DON'T WORK IN THE OFFICE SO I CAN'T DO THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! THIS IS THE BIGGEST CROC-OF-SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD!! (insert crazy Lindsay...trying to calm myself down so he doesn't just hang up but it is getting difficult)
• Ma'am you need to calm down. Don't take it out on me that you lost your keys. (and one of my favorite things he said:) I've seen kids break into their parents home and take money. How do I know you wouldn't do that. how do i know you aren't some crazy ex girlfriend trying to break into some guys apartment?!
• (Is he serious right now, did he really think I am trying THIS hard to break into my ex's apartment?!?! This isn't a lifetime movie you idiot!) Sir, If I cannot give you proof I live there once you let me in, I will call the cops on MYSELF and have them arrest me!!! THAT IS HOW SERIOUS I AM RIGHT NOW!!! I CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU until you let me IN the apartment!!!
• This is not part of my job I am just not allowed. I could lose my job for this. Do you understand that? I could be fired if I come there and let you in because I have no proof that you are the resident.
• If you get fired for this because I am lying to you, I WILL PAY YOU A YEAR'S SALARY!!!! THAT IS HOW SERIOUS I AM ABOUT THIS!!!!!
• Ma'am I can't take you saying something like that seriously! (HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!)
• Listen, I have had the WORST day and this is not making it better and my poor dog is in there going crazy and it is going to be a huge mess and I assure you that if this is not where I live, the dog will let you know and there are pictures of my all over the place. Please, please just help me. (yes, I am now begging and at this point crying)
• I just cannot do that. (what a heartless idiot!! He has nothing on Tire Changing Lee. Unlock-The-Door Steve has NO compassion)
• I know you could get in trouble but really you don't even have to tell anyone. Please, PLEASE, do this for me!! I don't know anyone around here really and I just need you to PLEASE open my door.
• Umm, Can you tell me where on the building your apartment it located? If I'm in the building where is it?

...I then proceed in telling him the location of my apartment on the building and a few times he tried to trick me by changing the direction I was looking at the apartment from (d-bag). But no worries, I caught him before he caught me. But clearly Steve did not have his thinking cap on because if I were trying to rob someone's apartment...i OBVIOUSLY would know where they lived. Thanks Steve for proving yet again you are an idiot. Anyway, I could go on but it was basically just him telling me he can't and me saying he actually can. So he says he's going to call some other guy to see what he thinks. 15 minutes later he calls me back and says someone is on their way but "if he opens that door for you and you cannot show him immediately your ID and a bill with your name that matches he has been instructed to call the cops!! If you are lying, you will be arrested!!" again steve, are you serious right now? I don't know if he thought after arguing with him for 30 minutes and practically having to offer up Manny that I was still lying and that would really get me. That tellin me he would call the cops on me would be the thing that made me say, "ok, nevermind steve, i am infact trying to break in to some guys apartment...better luck next time" Umm, duh, I already told him I would call the cops on myself. Guess he forgot. Steve, keep up...COME ON!

So anyway, this guy comes and lets me in around 10!!! Yes, I guess he was driving from Frankfort because he didn't get there until about 40 minutes later. So he opens the door and turns to walk away and I'm like "Ummm don't you need to see my ID?" to which he replies "Oh, uhh, yeh, I guess I better, but I mean I recognize you so it doesn't really matter. I know you live here but just show me anyway I guess" WHAT THE CRAP!!! Again I ask, IS THIS SERIOUS?!?!? He could have cared less if I was the person that lived there!!! OMG SOME PEOPLE!!! So I show him my ID and that is all...not a bill to go with it and he's like cool, see ya. ughhhh. But I think I forgot to mention that this guy was pretty cute and now I see him like everyday and we smile and kinda chuckle to myself. He probably knows I said I would pay a man his yearly salary. Oh well, I got in, FO FREE, and didn't have to pay anyone so I really don't care.

Lesson learned from this: Have a blood, urine, and DNA sample ready incase this were to ever happen again.

Oh life in Louisville, How you get more interesting everyday.

PS- I got an A on the test I didn't finish! HAHAH But I think I failed TWO yesterday so that's cool too I guess.